the view from here

MTL was amazing. I had four days of fun and wonderful, unobtrusive thoughts. I dreamt about beautiful tummies, and drinking buddies, and falling in the fountain, and chilling on a concrete beach. I laughed, I smiled, I argued - but it was all good.
Not a single unwelcome whisper.

Then, yesterday, a dream.
It lasted five minutes, but it wrecked the calm I'd built and plunged me into the old. So today's mood: self-doubt and sadness. And like something's missing. Again.

This is deeper then wanting what you can't have or being upset by failure or even really really liking what you had. This is something else altogether.

I'll distract myself for another week, to be sure. And I'll be happy. Truly happy - I won't have to pretend. But it'll be back. It'll never have left.

I suppose that's okay. Then again, I really have no choice.