Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Breaking News: Taimur Admits He's Stupid!

IMAGE OF TAIMUR ADMITTING HE'S STUPID VIA MSN: HAS SINCE BEEN EDITED. FOR CORROBORATION OF THE FACT, REACH ME. IF YOU KNOW HOW.

This was a while ago, I realize, but that doesn't change the fact that I still had a copy of the picture and, up until now, a burning desire to publicize it. Okay. Maybe "burning desire" is a misnomer. More like "lukewarm (just for you Uzi) hankering". I'm not even all that sure why... perhaps because I'm one of those people in search of the truth.

Since we're on the subject of truths, here are some:

1. Some people don't know that the letter "x", when used at the end of a word, stands for the letters "cks". For example, sucks = sux and socks = sox. I am convinced of this truth because people have written "my life suxs" or "my soxs are smelly" one too many freaking times. PEOPLE: it is extremely redundant to write "suxs". What you are really saying when you write "suxs" is "suckss". And there's really no need for that. You are making a purposeful spelling error. Furthermore, you are also indirectly telling the recipient of your message that you are a moron. If they had any inkling that you were a stupid person at any point up until the moment you sent that message, you removed all doubt. Congratulations. And please, stop proving your stupidity.

2. Everyone who is sexy knows they are sexy. I used to harbor the hope that I would one day come across someone who was amazingly attractive and brilliant, but completely unaware of their attractiveness and brilliance because there is something ADDITIONALLY sexy about that lack of smugness that most people who know they are wonderful have about themselves. Well, I'll tell you what "additional attraction factor" is: ILLUSION AT WORK. A lack of self-awareness is only apparent in children under one year of age. Once a person becomes capable of distinguishing that it is, indeed, their image looking back at them in the mirror - the shit hits the fan and everything goes out the window. If that person is attractive - they will figure it out, and despite being able hide it in a few superficial instances, eventually their knowledge of their exterior superiority will come back and bite YOU, the person getting the shitty end of the stick in every situation, in the ass. Because life's not fair. All this means is that you shouldn't delude yourself. "Leagues", (as categories based on looks are sometimes referred to) very much so do exist, and some people are just out of your "league". I hope, Freezy, that this helps explain any comments I may or may not have made yesterday about certain individuals who shall remain nameless being "out of my league". So do not snort at me young lady. There is ample psychological proof within the lines of this text. (By ample, I mean the one line referring to a psychology concept.)

3. "The situation" is still very much confused except that I am now almost sure he doesn't want to have anything to do with me in a romantic sense. (Is it just me, or am I stuck in "Variations On A Theme" mode?)

4. Orange juice is a good thing to use to clean things with. It is apparently as good an antibacterial agent as antibacterial soap. So next time you get off a filthy bus and wish to eat something - peel an orange and mush it all over your hands. Then eat whatever it was you wanted to eat initially. Unless you initially wanted to eat the orange... which I don't recommend if you've followed the steps I've outlined up until now...

5. "Whilst" is very much a word, and is still in popular use. For further information, visit THIS fun and informative website. (P.S. I lied about the fun part... but it is pretty informative...)

2 Comments:

Blogger Rafey said...

yo, don't put the pic directly on your blog if its too big.. dunno if you even noticed this, but your sidebar is now at the bottom of the page. just set up a link to the pic. and can you at least warn us that our screens are about to be filled by bare man-chest? some of us are using public computers..and taimur is cool

10:01 a.m.  
Blogger captain obvious said...

Yes Rafey, I noticed the side bar, but I also didn't care, and I don't think a majority of people do either.
No, I can't warn you about bare man-chest. It's so sexy anyway - stop complaining. You know you like it.
And... uh... you said something else I wanted to respond to, but I can't remember what it was now. Probably something completely insignificant. (a.k.a. Taimur)
That is all.

6:29 p.m.  

Post a Comment

<< Home