The Pamphlet... Is That How You Spell That?
Freezy and I have pooled our collective knowledge of boys to come up with a few guidelines when it comes to handling them. Beware: Sometimes they are a very volatile substance - changing minds, miscommunicating. They have weird rituals too. The advice is pretty general and broad, but that's a pre-rule: your approach should be pretty general and broad. If you're looking at the specifics and fussing over them, you're breaking some rules as you shall see.
1. Never assume anything.
Now, you'd think this one would be a given, right? I mean, if a friend didn't call you back, you wouldn't assume that they didn't like you anymore. You might think that they forgot, or that they became busy doing something else, or that (depending on how evil you are and how stringent you are about returning calls...) they were in a car accident or something. But you wouldn't automatically write them off as a friend. So don't do it to boys either. Give them a chance - a time frame - in which calling you back would be okaaaay. If it takes them 3 months to return your call, you might want to look elsewhere. But if they call you back in a couple hours or the very next day - hear them out. They might have a really good explanation.
Now, that's assuming you're assuming something bad about boys. But you shouldn't be assuming ANYTHING according to this rule - so don't go assuming anything good either. Unless a guy specifically utters the words "I like you" - don't assume they do. Remember how boys can't get hints? Like, even if you're practically falling over yourself trying to make it obvious that you like them, they just don't get it? That's because (in our opinion) boys don't do hints. Therefore, it is logical that if they can't interpret them, they don't give them out. If a guy likes you, he'll let you know. If he holds eye contact with you for longer than 20 seconds or rubs his nose whenever he's talking to you - that doesn't necessarily mean he has a crush. Maybe a staring problem and a runny nose, but not necessarily a crush. So don't assume ANYTHING. Whatsoever. Ever. Just like in a court of law, everything a boy does has to be explicit, at least verbally (I don't recommend making them sign contracts) before you can assume that they will uphold whatever it is that they just agreed to.
2. Be patient.
Sometimes boys are just as confused as we are about what they feel and what they want and what they're doing. And, as shocking as it may seem, sometimes they're just as chicken about making the moves too. So don't go running off after putting in "a whole" week. Everyone, including you, needs to feel out the situation before rushing headlong into something (unless you're on Spring Break, in which case, if you meet him and you're not making out 2 hours later - you need to move on to the next one.) Remember that movie "Fools Rush In"? Well, me neither. I don't actually think I watched it. But I think the title says it all. Shakespeare had a quote about rushing in too.. something about "those stumble that run fast". Getting to know him better might be the best thing you do for yourself - it could dispell all the girlish fantasies you have and make you realize that he's really not somebody you want to spend any significant period of time with at all. So be patient.
3. Be straight up.
Ok, this one's hard because it requires more than an adjustment on your mental thinking. It requires that you actually do something. If you've done the whole "not assuming things" bit, and you've "been patient", and seen that he's possessive with his sweaters, and likes his car a bit too much, and that his basketball schedule takes precedence over anything you want to do, and you still like him (although I can't imagine that anyone would): then you need to tell him. Now, since you're assuming that his feelings towards you are completely neutral (because you can't assume anything else either way), this can be a little tricky. But somebody's got to do it. It may as well be you.
Similarly, if you're not feeling him, but he's feeling you, TELL HIM. It'll hurt less now than 3 months down the line when he walks in on you making out with his roomate. Trust me.
If you're not planning on calling him for a week, don't tell him you'll call him tomorrow. If you're not planning on going to the monster truck ralley with him, don't tell him you'd love to. Set a good example by being straight up, and then you can expect the same of him in return. And if he isn't straight up - lose him. This is another thing you'll have to trust me on unless you want to experience lots of pain and anguish firsthand, which, if you do, I commend you - but don't recommend anyway. Pain and anguish isn't all its cracked up to be.
4. Listen to objective advice.
That is, if your girlfriend comes out and tells you, honestly, that she doesn't think he likes you - don't assume she's just jealous and wants to steal him away or something (unless your girlfriend has shown this tendency before... in which case I wonder why she's your friend... but who am I to judge?) Similarly, if your friend suggests talking to him, try to arrange it. If she suggests calling him and to "QUIT BEING A CHICKEN", you might want to take that advice too. Most of the time, people who are looking at a situation objectively can see things a lot more clearly than those that are in the situation. Your judgement could be clouded by "feelings", and "fear"... whatever that is. But onlookers don't have that. (The only thing they have is a want for entertainment - but try not to worry about that too much - if they like you, they won't ruin your life completely). So they can give you good advice and put things into perspective. Like: "Listen, I know you, and 2 weeks down the line you're not even going to like him and you're going to be wondering why you ever thought the way you think, and I'll be laughing at you then, but there's no reason for you to cry about it now because, in the long run, it really doesn't matter."
5. Stop analyzing.
This is the hardest one of all to do. Even harder than taking objective advice and being straight up. Just: STOP. Don't read into every little sentence he uttered and every gesture he made. Have fun while you're together, and then think about something other than him. Honestly people... don't you have anything better to do?
6. Remember: Life goes on.
Ok, so you followed the advice and everything blew up in your face. Well, we can't win them all. Life goes on, and there will be other boys to like. They come up in the strangest places and at the strangest times sometimes. Laugh about it, learn from it, and then write a pamplet like me and Freezy. We shall pool the knowledge of the universe to come to the conclusion that: There are no rules in love and war. But there sure as hell can be guidelines.
© 2004 Duneyah
Until next time.
1. Never assume anything.
Now, you'd think this one would be a given, right? I mean, if a friend didn't call you back, you wouldn't assume that they didn't like you anymore. You might think that they forgot, or that they became busy doing something else, or that (depending on how evil you are and how stringent you are about returning calls...) they were in a car accident or something. But you wouldn't automatically write them off as a friend. So don't do it to boys either. Give them a chance - a time frame - in which calling you back would be okaaaay. If it takes them 3 months to return your call, you might want to look elsewhere. But if they call you back in a couple hours or the very next day - hear them out. They might have a really good explanation.
Now, that's assuming you're assuming something bad about boys. But you shouldn't be assuming ANYTHING according to this rule - so don't go assuming anything good either. Unless a guy specifically utters the words "I like you" - don't assume they do. Remember how boys can't get hints? Like, even if you're practically falling over yourself trying to make it obvious that you like them, they just don't get it? That's because (in our opinion) boys don't do hints. Therefore, it is logical that if they can't interpret them, they don't give them out. If a guy likes you, he'll let you know. If he holds eye contact with you for longer than 20 seconds or rubs his nose whenever he's talking to you - that doesn't necessarily mean he has a crush. Maybe a staring problem and a runny nose, but not necessarily a crush. So don't assume ANYTHING. Whatsoever. Ever. Just like in a court of law, everything a boy does has to be explicit, at least verbally (I don't recommend making them sign contracts) before you can assume that they will uphold whatever it is that they just agreed to.
2. Be patient.
Sometimes boys are just as confused as we are about what they feel and what they want and what they're doing. And, as shocking as it may seem, sometimes they're just as chicken about making the moves too. So don't go running off after putting in "a whole" week. Everyone, including you, needs to feel out the situation before rushing headlong into something (unless you're on Spring Break, in which case, if you meet him and you're not making out 2 hours later - you need to move on to the next one.) Remember that movie "Fools Rush In"? Well, me neither. I don't actually think I watched it. But I think the title says it all. Shakespeare had a quote about rushing in too.. something about "those stumble that run fast". Getting to know him better might be the best thing you do for yourself - it could dispell all the girlish fantasies you have and make you realize that he's really not somebody you want to spend any significant period of time with at all. So be patient.
3. Be straight up.
Ok, this one's hard because it requires more than an adjustment on your mental thinking. It requires that you actually do something. If you've done the whole "not assuming things" bit, and you've "been patient", and seen that he's possessive with his sweaters, and likes his car a bit too much, and that his basketball schedule takes precedence over anything you want to do, and you still like him (although I can't imagine that anyone would): then you need to tell him. Now, since you're assuming that his feelings towards you are completely neutral (because you can't assume anything else either way), this can be a little tricky. But somebody's got to do it. It may as well be you.
Similarly, if you're not feeling him, but he's feeling you, TELL HIM. It'll hurt less now than 3 months down the line when he walks in on you making out with his roomate. Trust me.
If you're not planning on calling him for a week, don't tell him you'll call him tomorrow. If you're not planning on going to the monster truck ralley with him, don't tell him you'd love to. Set a good example by being straight up, and then you can expect the same of him in return. And if he isn't straight up - lose him. This is another thing you'll have to trust me on unless you want to experience lots of pain and anguish firsthand, which, if you do, I commend you - but don't recommend anyway. Pain and anguish isn't all its cracked up to be.
4. Listen to objective advice.
That is, if your girlfriend comes out and tells you, honestly, that she doesn't think he likes you - don't assume she's just jealous and wants to steal him away or something (unless your girlfriend has shown this tendency before... in which case I wonder why she's your friend... but who am I to judge?) Similarly, if your friend suggests talking to him, try to arrange it. If she suggests calling him and to "QUIT BEING A CHICKEN", you might want to take that advice too. Most of the time, people who are looking at a situation objectively can see things a lot more clearly than those that are in the situation. Your judgement could be clouded by "feelings", and "fear"... whatever that is. But onlookers don't have that. (The only thing they have is a want for entertainment - but try not to worry about that too much - if they like you, they won't ruin your life completely). So they can give you good advice and put things into perspective. Like: "Listen, I know you, and 2 weeks down the line you're not even going to like him and you're going to be wondering why you ever thought the way you think, and I'll be laughing at you then, but there's no reason for you to cry about it now because, in the long run, it really doesn't matter."
5. Stop analyzing.
This is the hardest one of all to do. Even harder than taking objective advice and being straight up. Just: STOP. Don't read into every little sentence he uttered and every gesture he made. Have fun while you're together, and then think about something other than him. Honestly people... don't you have anything better to do?
6. Remember: Life goes on.
Ok, so you followed the advice and everything blew up in your face. Well, we can't win them all. Life goes on, and there will be other boys to like. They come up in the strangest places and at the strangest times sometimes. Laugh about it, learn from it, and then write a pamplet like me and Freezy. We shall pool the knowledge of the universe to come to the conclusion that: There are no rules in love and war. But there sure as hell can be guidelines.
© 2004 Duneyah
Until next time.
posted by captain obvious at 3:09 p.m.
2 Comments:
Yeah Rafey... ;)
to be completely honest with you dunja, i didn't really read the whole thing. in fact, i pretty much just read the bolded words.
;P
uzair should read it though. it'll help him find Mr. Perfect
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