'Twas the Night Before D's Stats Final...
So my last exam is tomorrow morning. 9AM. Bright and early.
I woke up at roughly noonish today. Then went back to sleep for about half an hour. Then got up, chatted with some friends for a few hours, had some fries and mayonnaise... I think at one point I was actually entertaining the idea of making myself so morbidly obese that I wouldn't be able to fit through the door of the exam, and therefore they couldn't make me write it. So I had some chicken nuggets too. They were actually kinda gross-looking. Like... the stuff in the middle didn't look like meat at all. It looked like brown paste. But they tasted alright... I don't know. I wasn't being too picky. There was no one home to bug to go to the store and I was hungry. And trying to get fat, fast.
Well... I got on the scale when my dad got home (minutes after the blow-out I had with my sister) and I weighed exactly what I've weighed for like the last year. And I was having no trouble getting through the kitchen doorway. So I didn't actually get any fatter. Shame.
The blow-out I alluded to was over my sister's complete lack of respect for anyone in this house. Everyone has been stressing out these last few days: my dad about my grandpa, my mom about my dad, me about exams, and this little wench comes home from school wearing *my* shirt and when I ask her to run to the store (2 minutes away) and buy some bread before mum and dad get home, she refuses stating "You were home all day, why didn't you go?"
Well, yes, valid question. But, forget I was home all day. Because the amount of ass- and nose- picking you do at school all day, every day, is roughly equivalent to what I got done today i.e. nothing. Our time was equally wasted, just in different locations. Stop trying to pull the wool over my eyes and pretend like you learned something or worked hard on something today, and like you should now be rewarded for it by not going to the store but rather sitting on your ass for the next 6 hours chatting away (merrily) with the same retards you just spent the past 8 hours chatting away with (merrily) about your lamentable existence. I, unlike your clueless parents, am completely aware of the decrepit state of our educational system. I know that if I were to ask you what 9*8 equals you'd have to count it out on your fingers. And that it would take you several attempts. I know you have no clue where Germany is or what the capital of Italy is, I know you don't know when the First World War started or ended - or why it happened in the first place, I am fully aware that ALL YOU DID AT SCHOOL TODAY was flirt with the retards that walk around with ski-goggles on their heads mistaking the halls of your highschool with the place they went snowboarding last winter (also the same retards who haven't been in to see a barber since I was in grade nine), and that probably the only thing that taxed any portion of any minute intellectual capabilities you might still possess was the discussion you had with your friend about whether Micheal noticed that you were wearing 2 extra millimeters of eyeliner today or not. And even in the event that such an intellectual conversation did occur, the only taxing thing about it was the part where you tried to convince your friend that a millimeter and a centimeter weren't really the same thing, and that an inch was something altogether different. So DON'T EVEN PULL THE "I WAS AT SCHOOL" CARD ON ME, YOUNG LADY! I know they teach you nothing. NOTHING.
So anyways, she refused to go to the store.
And then my mom got home and asked her to go, and she refused again.
And it bugs me when my mom takes crap from my sister - she can literally get away with anything. My mom ends up going to the store because my sister is so obstinately set in her ways and refuses to budge from the "Dunja should go, she was home all day" stance she has now adopted. And my mom being the reasonable woman that she is believes that I've been slaving away all day studying and that it'd be unethical to ask me to go since I *do* have an exam tomorrow. So instead of punching my sister in the face and telling her to get out of the house and not return until she has what needs to be bought (which is what I would've done), she goes to the store herself.
This is the part where me and my sister start arguing because she literally places me in these positions all the time where I end up feeling guilty because *she* doesn't listen. Like, I should've gone to the store. But the fact is that *she* was the one my mother asked to go to the store. And no matter how valid her excuse, or how much more fair it'd be for my mom to ask me to go to the store (which is under debate, because I've already illustrated it's not as if she did anything at school), MOM decided. And MOM asked her. And when MOM sets her mind on guilt-tripping you into something, she will stop at nothing. Except trying to guilt-trip my sister into something is like eating shit. It does absolutely NOTHING for you except make you want to puke. Because my sister is a cold-hearted monster. So I, the innocent bystander, ended up feeling guilty. Which makes everything a billion times worse.
Whatever.
At this point, half my day has been completely and utterly wasted. So I go downstairs to watch 'Sweet Home Alabama', and lo and behold, who is on the TV? None other than my least favourite idiot: George Bush. The general gist of what he said had something to do with Russia providing Iran with uranium so they could get their own nuclear power thinger going and then cleaning up the uranium afterwards so that they can't use it to build nuclear weapons. Then he spent a shitload of time talking about social security and how 'raising awareness' is important - of course he said nothing tangible. I was flipping the channels rather speedily by this time, so the rest of everything he said is kinda a blur. It all sounded idiotic nonetheless. He honestly looks like a monkey. I'm not even saying that because I hate him and think he's Satan and he was preventing me from seeing my movie with his nonsense bullshit. I honestly think that even if you got an alien who was completely objective and had no idea of Earth's politics, etc., and you showed him a picture of Bush and a picture of a monkey, he would note the resemblance without any prompting from you. In fact, I'm willing to bet that if you showed him a series of unrelated photos, and one of those photos was of Bush, and one was of a monkey - he'd note the resemblance. Without any prompting.
If anyone is in possession of an alien who is unaware of Earth politics, please let me know. I would love to run this experiment.
And I mean... if the facts that your president has put your country a bagajillion dollars in debt in four years, has killed thousands of your own soldiers and thousands of innocent civilians in an unethical war waged for ludicrous reasons, has himself disrespected the UN Security Council and Resolutions he claims to hold so dear, has done NOTHING Christian in the four years of his presidency (except for, apparently, sleeping with the Bible under his pillow - and that's under debate as a Christian act...), I mean, if none of these things is enough to set off alarm bells - then at least him looking like a monkey when he talks should. At least for aesthetic reasons, when you send your president to another country on official business - he's representing your nation. At least make sure he doesn't look like a complete doofus so that everyone is laughing at him behind his back. I mean, isn't that just common sense?
I mean, for example: Serbia might not be the biggest or most powerful nation. In fact, it is neither of these two. And it might not have the most natural resources, or the most efficient people. It probably doesn't produce much of note. But they're still sensible enough to elect a good-looking president. Because he is the representative of their people. And ultimately, (as is apparently the case in the U.S.) if WHAT the president does doesn't matter, at least he'll look good doing whatever it is that he's doing. I mean, that's sensible, no? I think so.
So, my farewell note to the American people: if you're not so concerned about your president's agenda (and you're clearly not), then make the elections like the Miss USA pageant (which probably garners more viewers per show than the past 3 elections combined) and choose for your president the one who looks best in a bikini. At least the rest of the world won't hate you as vehemently if they're distracted by his vivacious body as he commits the atrocities he's bound to.
I woke up at roughly noonish today. Then went back to sleep for about half an hour. Then got up, chatted with some friends for a few hours, had some fries and mayonnaise... I think at one point I was actually entertaining the idea of making myself so morbidly obese that I wouldn't be able to fit through the door of the exam, and therefore they couldn't make me write it. So I had some chicken nuggets too. They were actually kinda gross-looking. Like... the stuff in the middle didn't look like meat at all. It looked like brown paste. But they tasted alright... I don't know. I wasn't being too picky. There was no one home to bug to go to the store and I was hungry. And trying to get fat, fast.
Well... I got on the scale when my dad got home (minutes after the blow-out I had with my sister) and I weighed exactly what I've weighed for like the last year. And I was having no trouble getting through the kitchen doorway. So I didn't actually get any fatter. Shame.
The blow-out I alluded to was over my sister's complete lack of respect for anyone in this house. Everyone has been stressing out these last few days: my dad about my grandpa, my mom about my dad, me about exams, and this little wench comes home from school wearing *my* shirt and when I ask her to run to the store (2 minutes away) and buy some bread before mum and dad get home, she refuses stating "You were home all day, why didn't you go?"
Well, yes, valid question. But, forget I was home all day. Because the amount of ass- and nose- picking you do at school all day, every day, is roughly equivalent to what I got done today i.e. nothing. Our time was equally wasted, just in different locations. Stop trying to pull the wool over my eyes and pretend like you learned something or worked hard on something today, and like you should now be rewarded for it by not going to the store but rather sitting on your ass for the next 6 hours chatting away (merrily) with the same retards you just spent the past 8 hours chatting away with (merrily) about your lamentable existence. I, unlike your clueless parents, am completely aware of the decrepit state of our educational system. I know that if I were to ask you what 9*8 equals you'd have to count it out on your fingers. And that it would take you several attempts. I know you have no clue where Germany is or what the capital of Italy is, I know you don't know when the First World War started or ended - or why it happened in the first place, I am fully aware that ALL YOU DID AT SCHOOL TODAY was flirt with the retards that walk around with ski-goggles on their heads mistaking the halls of your highschool with the place they went snowboarding last winter (also the same retards who haven't been in to see a barber since I was in grade nine), and that probably the only thing that taxed any portion of any minute intellectual capabilities you might still possess was the discussion you had with your friend about whether Micheal noticed that you were wearing 2 extra millimeters of eyeliner today or not. And even in the event that such an intellectual conversation did occur, the only taxing thing about it was the part where you tried to convince your friend that a millimeter and a centimeter weren't really the same thing, and that an inch was something altogether different. So DON'T EVEN PULL THE "I WAS AT SCHOOL" CARD ON ME, YOUNG LADY! I know they teach you nothing. NOTHING.
So anyways, she refused to go to the store.
And then my mom got home and asked her to go, and she refused again.
And it bugs me when my mom takes crap from my sister - she can literally get away with anything. My mom ends up going to the store because my sister is so obstinately set in her ways and refuses to budge from the "Dunja should go, she was home all day" stance she has now adopted. And my mom being the reasonable woman that she is believes that I've been slaving away all day studying and that it'd be unethical to ask me to go since I *do* have an exam tomorrow. So instead of punching my sister in the face and telling her to get out of the house and not return until she has what needs to be bought (which is what I would've done), she goes to the store herself.
This is the part where me and my sister start arguing because she literally places me in these positions all the time where I end up feeling guilty because *she* doesn't listen. Like, I should've gone to the store. But the fact is that *she* was the one my mother asked to go to the store. And no matter how valid her excuse, or how much more fair it'd be for my mom to ask me to go to the store (which is under debate, because I've already illustrated it's not as if she did anything at school), MOM decided. And MOM asked her. And when MOM sets her mind on guilt-tripping you into something, she will stop at nothing. Except trying to guilt-trip my sister into something is like eating shit. It does absolutely NOTHING for you except make you want to puke. Because my sister is a cold-hearted monster. So I, the innocent bystander, ended up feeling guilty. Which makes everything a billion times worse.
Whatever.
At this point, half my day has been completely and utterly wasted. So I go downstairs to watch 'Sweet Home Alabama', and lo and behold, who is on the TV? None other than my least favourite idiot: George Bush. The general gist of what he said had something to do with Russia providing Iran with uranium so they could get their own nuclear power thinger going and then cleaning up the uranium afterwards so that they can't use it to build nuclear weapons. Then he spent a shitload of time talking about social security and how 'raising awareness' is important - of course he said nothing tangible. I was flipping the channels rather speedily by this time, so the rest of everything he said is kinda a blur. It all sounded idiotic nonetheless. He honestly looks like a monkey. I'm not even saying that because I hate him and think he's Satan and he was preventing me from seeing my movie with his nonsense bullshit. I honestly think that even if you got an alien who was completely objective and had no idea of Earth's politics, etc., and you showed him a picture of Bush and a picture of a monkey, he would note the resemblance without any prompting from you. In fact, I'm willing to bet that if you showed him a series of unrelated photos, and one of those photos was of Bush, and one was of a monkey - he'd note the resemblance. Without any prompting.
If anyone is in possession of an alien who is unaware of Earth politics, please let me know. I would love to run this experiment.
And I mean... if the facts that your president has put your country a bagajillion dollars in debt in four years, has killed thousands of your own soldiers and thousands of innocent civilians in an unethical war waged for ludicrous reasons, has himself disrespected the UN Security Council and Resolutions he claims to hold so dear, has done NOTHING Christian in the four years of his presidency (except for, apparently, sleeping with the Bible under his pillow - and that's under debate as a Christian act...), I mean, if none of these things is enough to set off alarm bells - then at least him looking like a monkey when he talks should. At least for aesthetic reasons, when you send your president to another country on official business - he's representing your nation. At least make sure he doesn't look like a complete doofus so that everyone is laughing at him behind his back. I mean, isn't that just common sense?
I mean, for example: Serbia might not be the biggest or most powerful nation. In fact, it is neither of these two. And it might not have the most natural resources, or the most efficient people. It probably doesn't produce much of note. But they're still sensible enough to elect a good-looking president. Because he is the representative of their people. And ultimately, (as is apparently the case in the U.S.) if WHAT the president does doesn't matter, at least he'll look good doing whatever it is that he's doing. I mean, that's sensible, no? I think so.
So, my farewell note to the American people: if you're not so concerned about your president's agenda (and you're clearly not), then make the elections like the Miss USA pageant (which probably garners more viewers per show than the past 3 elections combined) and choose for your president the one who looks best in a bikini. At least the rest of the world won't hate you as vehemently if they're distracted by his vivacious body as he commits the atrocities he's bound to.
posted by captain obvious at 11:36 p.m.
3 Comments:
9*8 = 72
Germany is the highway that connects eastern europe to western europe...its neighbours are france, switzerland, austria, poland, the czech republic, belgium, netherlands and denmark. it is also bordered in the north by the north sea and the baltic sea.
the capital of Italy is rome - the only city in the world to contain another independant country (the vatican - smallest country in the world) within its boundaries
the First World War started in 1914 and ended officially in 1918 but unofficially in 1919. it began because Franz Ferdinand (not the band) the archduke of austria was murdered by a serbian terrorist group called the black hand. (on a side note, i find it highly ironic and more than slightly funny that you included this question seeing as how you are of serbian descent yourself!)
about the dubbya thing...another twist of the ironic knife...bush is a fundemental christian - believing that darwin is and idiot and evolution could not have happened (regardless of physical evidence)..."we do not come from apes" he's been known to say....need i say more?
Rosey knows her facts. Except for the reason for WWI, there's much debate among historians for the reasons. Personally, there's many reasons which I will not delve into, but it's true that many historians agree that the assassination of Franz Ferdinand (not the band) was the spark to commence the First World War.
Ah yes, 'twas the spark - but I asked for the REASONS.
The war didn't errupt because Gavrilo Princip murdered Franz Ferdinand. The murder of one politician would be a silly reason to start a World War. The murder was just the 'excuse', if you will, the world needed to unleash years of mounting tension.
And Rosey - why would you find it ironic and/or funny that I included that question? 'Tis true that I am half Serbian - but the Serbian people didn't have much to do with the actions of one person - Gavrilo Princip - and I don't believe they (the people of Serbia) were the driving force behind what began the First World War - far from it! I do believe, however, that knowing history is important. And that it is important for my 14-year-old sister to know these facts. It is only through knowing, recognizing, and learning from our collective past mistakes that we can hope for a better future.
Always love hearing your comments guys!
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