TIME - FREAKIN' - OUT

I think the ENTIRE FREAKING UNIVERSE HAS GONE COMPLETELY FREAKING MENTAL!

Ok. Remember my rant from yesterday? About retarded people doing retarded things? And about retarded exams? And about retarded harrassers?

Well: Just when you thought things COULDN'T POSSIBLY GET ANY-FREAKIN-MORE RETARDED: THEY DID.

So I'm on my way to school to study when I walk beside a garbage can on fire. The fire is small enough not to make things a panic situation, but big enough so that I can't put it out by knocking the garbage can over and like... hitting it or something. So I call 911. And tell them about the fire on the corner. They say they'll be there as soon as possible.
I go on my merry way having done my civic duty. I get onto the high-school-kids-coming-home-from-high-school infested bus, and ride about two-busstops over, when what I think is some RETARD (and my prediction is later shown to have been correct) starts yelling, "STOP THE BUS! THE BUS IS ON FIRE!" At first I think it's probably just some dumbass retard that forgot to pull the cord and wants off the bus, but as I look a little closer into the mass of people standing at the back, I notice smoke and realize it's actually a retard that's telling the retarded truth. Before I know it, there's a stampede of retarded high-schoolers almost knocking me over to get out the door. Before I can blink twice, the smoke in the bus is so thick that you can't see your hand right in front of your face. Through all the smoke, I notice 3 major retards still in the back. One is holding a video camera and taping the confusion and smoke, and the other two are laughing. It's a giant prank. Retards set the bus on fire. And decided to tape it. Because that's what retards do. "Oh hee hee hee, how hilarious: lets do hundreds of dollars of damage to a public-transit bus that Dunja in part paid for and keeps paying for every time TTC increases their fees on account (in part) of the damage retarded hooligans like us make. Then, because the TTC driver (and Dunja, as a good semaritan) is obligated to call the police (who will never catch us because we will be long gone with all of the evidence on OUR tape before they ever get here) and the fire department to oversee the situation, lets cost taxpayers (like Dunja's parents and Dunja) hundreds more dollars, lets waste the time of all the people on that bus THAT HAD PLACES TO GO (for example, Dunja), the police and fire department, and lets detract from their ability to deal with REAL accidents and emergencies because they're dealing with GODDAMNED RETARDS who thought it'd be a good idea to set off a smokebomb on a bus instead. Yes. What a grand idea."
I wonder why I never thought of it when I was in high school.
OH YES. NOW I REMEMBER!: IT'S BECAUSE I'M NOT A GODDAMNED RETARD!!!! (Although I did just use four consecutive exclamation marks - which would indicate otherwise... but I'M JUST SO ANGRY!!! AT HAVING TO DEAL WITH RETARDS!!! ALL THE GODDAMNED TIME!!! EVEN WHEN I'M JUST MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS AND TRYING TO GET TO SCHOOL!!! TO STUDY FOR A GODAMNED EXAM I'M GOING TO FAIL ANYWAY BECAUSE A RETARD WILL WRITE IT AND A RETARD WILL MARK IT!!! AAAAAARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

So I'm on the phone with the dispatcher, telling them where we are and so on, and the kids with the camera start to run away. So one kid who I'm assuming wasn't involved comes up to me and goes, "They're getting away!" with such vigor that it was as if though he was expecting me to drop everything and run after all (at this point) five of them. Like... uh... what do you expect me to do? I'm already doing my part. Why don't you, if you recognize them at school on Monday, tell your goddamned principal that those were the RETARDS that set fire to a bus last Friday, huh? WHY DON'T YOU MAKE YOUR DAMNED USELESS RETARDED SELF USEFUL AND RUN AFTER THEM YOURSELF INSTEAD OF TELLING ME THEY'RE GETTING AWAY? YOU DAMNED RETARD?!?! God.

I'll bet you thought things couldn't get more retarded. Didn't you?
So the next bus comes by, and this new bus driver is aware of the fact that we just got out of a bus that was on fire because I'm sure our driver called the TTC dispatcher thinger dude and that's why he got to us so fast in the first place. We're filing onto the bus and he goes "Man, I can smell the smoke on you guys, eh?" NO F*CKING SHIT SHERLOCK. WE JUST GOT OUT OF A BUS THAT WAS ON FIRE. YOU F*CKING RETARD. HOOOOOOLY GOD DAMN. Next, he goes, "Did you set fire to that garbage can back on *my street* too? That thing is OUT of control. There's like three firetrucks at the scene." First of all, you retard, don't presume that just because you're a retard I am too. I set fire to NOTHING. I'M NOT RETARDED. Second of all: WTF? Is the fire department f*cking retarded too? Didn't I call them f*cking twenty minutes ago to tell them about the f*cking fire in the garbage can that was JUST STARTING. How the HELL does a garbage can fire get "out of control" if you get there 5 minutes after I call you? (And that's how long it should've taken because the damned firehouse is ONE FREAKING BLOCK AWAY. But I guess because even the people we trust with our LIVES are retarded... well, you know the rest.)

I got to school without further misadventures involving retards. (Or maybe it's just that at this point I was completely de-sensitized to the retard-factor because I'd run into so many.)
But it doesn't end there. I think I'm developing a crush on someone it would be retarded to develop a crush on - probably because this "retard" thing is contagious. Which would explain why the whole WORLD has gone retarded. (Including the person picking me up today *cough* dad *cough* who made me wait IN THE RAIN for FIFTEEN MINUTES with NO JACKET and NO UMBRELLA and NO SHELTER WHATSOEVER. Thanks. That's some gooooooood parenting...)