Are You Home Yet?
My sister needs to get famous so that I can be Ashlee to her Jessica (Simpson). Check out her song lyrics on her LiveJournal .
I got that coffee mug today. And then started thinking that it'll probably take about a billion more years for IT to decompose than it would take for a million paper cups to decompose. But it's too late to go back now. I tried to be environmentally friendly, and foiled my own plan... as usual. BUT I found a loophole. I guess ONE plastic cup decomposing for a billion years is better than a million paper cups decomposing for 3 years each. Additionally, if I pass the plastic cup down to my kids, and they pass it down to their kids, and assuming we go through a million paper cups on average in our lifetime (clearly not the case, but work with me), I figure that's at least 3 million less paper cups in the trash decomposing for at least 3 years. Hopefully that's good enough. Also, with the advances in genetic engineering and whatnot, I'm sure they'll come up with a bacteria pretty soon that decomposes plastic and styrofoam in the blink of an eye. So just watch for that. That'd be hot. Unless the bacteria somehow got out of a contained area (and really, how would you contain bacteria? You can't. That's why people die of E. coli.) and started decomposing EVERYTHING that was plastic and that'd just be trouble. There'd go my keyboard and my phone and my water bottle and all of those IV baggy thingies and my helmet. God. Why do I have a helmet? And probably if this hypothetical bacteria (or at least we THINK it's hypothetical because the governments hides these sorts of things from us... Ever seen "Men In Black"?) could decompose plastic in the blink of an eye, there'd be something else severely wrong about them, so they might do even more harm. What harm I don't know. But I'll bet it'd be bad. Really bad. Bad enough to make a movie out of titled "Apocolypse Now" based on a true story... although I think that title is already taken. By a crappy movie (not based on a true story), no doubt. And my movie would be way better. But really, I was trying to be optimistic and then I went off on this tangent and just screwed myself and then started making no sense. Why do I do that all the time?
Anyways... this morning I waited 10.6 seconds for my bus to get to where I was waiting for it and take me to school. This is an especially good thing on a day like today because an additional 0.4 seconds would've resulted in my nose falling clear off of my face since it was -16 C with the windchill. And I like my nose just where it is, thank you. Tomorrow's going to be even worse (-34 C) so I might have to cancel on that movie with Freezy. Wow. How apt and ironic her name becomes when it's COLD outside ("COLD" being a severe understatement).
Mummy made DELICIOUS lasagna tonight. So delicious it's worth mentioning in the blog. I had an extra serving. Packing on the pounds for the winter season, one might say. Very cheesy (the lasagna. Well, what I said was pretty cheesy too, but I was referring to the lasagna). Very "bon".
Oh god, it just came back to me. I said possibly the stupidest thing I've ever said today. And not in this blog entry either. My dad picks me up after school at the bustop on the West Mall and we're pulling into our driveway and I ask him "Are you home?"
Ok. Read the thought process and tell me if this makes sense to anyone BUT me: I'm thinking, we're in my mom's car, there's no car in the driveway, therefore dad's car is either in the garage (if he's home) or he's not home yet. So, if it were my mom in the car, I'd say "Is dad home yet?" But since HE'S in the car with me, and I know it's him, but I CLEARLY haven't REALLY thought this through, I ask, "Are you home yet?" Which is severly retarded by all accounts. He just looks at me and says "Not yet. I will be in about 2 seconds though." Then I start laughing because he's looking at me soooooo weird. And then he goes "Are you high?"
I'm thinking "I wish! That would mean I'm not totally fretarded!"
It was great. And you know how when someone is laughing really hysterically and you don't really find anything all that funny and they're like... dying, and not breathing properly? And you ask them "Are you alright?" Well, this is one of those moments. And no. I am not alright.
The end.
I got that coffee mug today. And then started thinking that it'll probably take about a billion more years for IT to decompose than it would take for a million paper cups to decompose. But it's too late to go back now. I tried to be environmentally friendly, and foiled my own plan... as usual. BUT I found a loophole. I guess ONE plastic cup decomposing for a billion years is better than a million paper cups decomposing for 3 years each. Additionally, if I pass the plastic cup down to my kids, and they pass it down to their kids, and assuming we go through a million paper cups on average in our lifetime (clearly not the case, but work with me), I figure that's at least 3 million less paper cups in the trash decomposing for at least 3 years. Hopefully that's good enough. Also, with the advances in genetic engineering and whatnot, I'm sure they'll come up with a bacteria pretty soon that decomposes plastic and styrofoam in the blink of an eye. So just watch for that. That'd be hot. Unless the bacteria somehow got out of a contained area (and really, how would you contain bacteria? You can't. That's why people die of E. coli.) and started decomposing EVERYTHING that was plastic and that'd just be trouble. There'd go my keyboard and my phone and my water bottle and all of those IV baggy thingies and my helmet. God. Why do I have a helmet? And probably if this hypothetical bacteria (or at least we THINK it's hypothetical because the governments hides these sorts of things from us... Ever seen "Men In Black"?) could decompose plastic in the blink of an eye, there'd be something else severely wrong about them, so they might do even more harm. What harm I don't know. But I'll bet it'd be bad. Really bad. Bad enough to make a movie out of titled "Apocolypse Now" based on a true story... although I think that title is already taken. By a crappy movie (not based on a true story), no doubt. And my movie would be way better. But really, I was trying to be optimistic and then I went off on this tangent and just screwed myself and then started making no sense. Why do I do that all the time?
Anyways... this morning I waited 10.6 seconds for my bus to get to where I was waiting for it and take me to school. This is an especially good thing on a day like today because an additional 0.4 seconds would've resulted in my nose falling clear off of my face since it was -16 C with the windchill. And I like my nose just where it is, thank you. Tomorrow's going to be even worse (-34 C) so I might have to cancel on that movie with Freezy. Wow. How apt and ironic her name becomes when it's COLD outside ("COLD" being a severe understatement).
Mummy made DELICIOUS lasagna tonight. So delicious it's worth mentioning in the blog. I had an extra serving. Packing on the pounds for the winter season, one might say. Very cheesy (the lasagna. Well, what I said was pretty cheesy too, but I was referring to the lasagna). Very "bon".
Oh god, it just came back to me. I said possibly the stupidest thing I've ever said today. And not in this blog entry either. My dad picks me up after school at the bustop on the West Mall and we're pulling into our driveway and I ask him "Are you home?"
Ok. Read the thought process and tell me if this makes sense to anyone BUT me: I'm thinking, we're in my mom's car, there's no car in the driveway, therefore dad's car is either in the garage (if he's home) or he's not home yet. So, if it were my mom in the car, I'd say "Is dad home yet?" But since HE'S in the car with me, and I know it's him, but I CLEARLY haven't REALLY thought this through, I ask, "Are you home yet?" Which is severly retarded by all accounts. He just looks at me and says "Not yet. I will be in about 2 seconds though." Then I start laughing because he's looking at me soooooo weird. And then he goes "Are you high?"
I'm thinking "I wish! That would mean I'm not totally fretarded!"
It was great. And you know how when someone is laughing really hysterically and you don't really find anything all that funny and they're like... dying, and not breathing properly? And you ask them "Are you alright?" Well, this is one of those moments. And no. I am not alright.
The end.
posted by captain obvious at 12:10 a.m.
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