I DON'T WANT TO YELL
Sometimes I can't handle being in this house.
My family yells to communicate, and sometimes it's cute, but most of the time it just raises blood pressure and stresses everyone out.
There is no middle ground. There is either silence (as there is now) where each of us is holed up in our little corner of the house occupied by our personal neuroses, or there is calamity, confusion, accusations, yelling yelling YELLING, stress stress stress.
You are what you are.
You are what you come from.
You are what you know.
But I don't want to have to yell to solve problems. I never want to yell to communicate.
One of my biggest fears is that when I have my own family, this exact pattern of behaviour will repeat itself. After all, who will want to be with me besides someone who understands the yelling? And if they understand it, it means they most likely come from something similar themselves. And when you throw two yellers together, you get yelling.
I make a conscious effort in personal relationships - with friends and significant others - to employ modes of communication that are more effective than the ones I employ at home. I try to listen, I try to phrase things in such a way that they won't be misunderstood - but if I'm really angry, I always default to what I know best: defensive, angry yelling.
And it's not that I haven't tried to be more peaceful at home, hoping to rub off on the others, but when you're consistently outnumbered 3:1, it becomes hard to get noticed.
I don't think that it's healthy that I go out with friends, most of all, to escape my home reality.
I have this poetic notion that you're supposed to go out with friends because you enjoy their company specifically or because you wish to have some fun - not to run away from something even worse.
But hey, whatever works, right?
My family yells to communicate, and sometimes it's cute, but most of the time it just raises blood pressure and stresses everyone out.
There is no middle ground. There is either silence (as there is now) where each of us is holed up in our little corner of the house occupied by our personal neuroses, or there is calamity, confusion, accusations, yelling yelling YELLING, stress stress stress.
You are what you are.
You are what you come from.
You are what you know.
But I don't want to have to yell to solve problems. I never want to yell to communicate.
One of my biggest fears is that when I have my own family, this exact pattern of behaviour will repeat itself. After all, who will want to be with me besides someone who understands the yelling? And if they understand it, it means they most likely come from something similar themselves. And when you throw two yellers together, you get yelling.
I make a conscious effort in personal relationships - with friends and significant others - to employ modes of communication that are more effective than the ones I employ at home. I try to listen, I try to phrase things in such a way that they won't be misunderstood - but if I'm really angry, I always default to what I know best: defensive, angry yelling.
And it's not that I haven't tried to be more peaceful at home, hoping to rub off on the others, but when you're consistently outnumbered 3:1, it becomes hard to get noticed.
I don't think that it's healthy that I go out with friends, most of all, to escape my home reality.
I have this poetic notion that you're supposed to go out with friends because you enjoy their company specifically or because you wish to have some fun - not to run away from something even worse.
But hey, whatever works, right?
posted by captain obvious at 2:14 p.m.
2 Comments:
the notion that it's the only way they know how is a misguided one, i think...
i know it seems like you are a powerless 1 against a forceful 3...but if you truly wish to see a change, stick to your guns of healthier communication - it will shine through in the end that those are your terms of negotiation and since you ARE a player on the field (FAR TOO MANY METAPHORS ROSELLE!), you will have your say.
i know it's hard and i promise that your friends appreciate having you around regardless of whether or not they're just a means to an end.
if you wanna escape, you know where to reach me!
(go buy some minutes!)
RA RA RA
I YELL RA!
i didn't know you still updated this. RA!
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