after
Today is a sad day.
One of those melancholy, moody, gray days.
In all the excitement and all the possibility, I lost touch with a little bit of reality.
An essential, important little bit of reality.
I've been working hard lately on making something unrealistic happen.
I've been told by everyone I've talked to that I should ignore the literature, my gut feelings, and every other piece of dependable evidence I have access to - and try anyway. Try really, really hard. And try again if I fail. And keep trying.
But today, somebody very wise, and probably with my best interest at heart, told me something else entirely: that I don't stand a chance of getting into any law school in Ontario, and that I should really focus on any and all backup plans that I have thought about.
It came as a double disappointment because I held such high hopes for today.
After a stagnant few days during which no professors were getting back to my emails or attending their office hours, one invited me to discuss the possibility of him writing me a reference letter today. He told me he remembered me as a good student with lots of enthusiasm and fantastic contributions to class discussions - and he wasn't joshing, because he knew how to pronounce my name and recognized me immediately as I walked into his classroom.
He all but agreed to write me a raving letter until he heard what my CGPA was. Then, his face fell and he told me that I didn't really stand a chance.
That I should consider schools in the states.
That I should focus on getting into Teacher's College.
And it's a truth that I knew, before any of this hubbub began. It's a truth I spent months trying to convince my parents of. It's a truth I had already dealt with and buried a long time ago... But it's also a truth that I'd allowed myself to ignore as I got a little lost in (some would call it blind) optimism... because what I wanted had crystallized so clearly so quickly, and I'd been directionless for so long, that to let it go on account of a trivial little thing such as "THERE IS NO CHANCE" seemed a mistake.
So I listened to the preachings of my parents who think I'm the best at everything, and it felt so good to have them proud of me again.
And I told all my friends about my aspirations, and it felt so good to have them all tell me that I could do it, not taking into account that they didn't know what "it" was or how unqualified I was for "it".
And it felt good to have a direction, to have a goal, to let myself think I stood a chance.
And now, well, now, most of that is gone.
Today's meeting was a little bit of a blow to my confidence, and a huge bit of a blow to my motivation. Because I've been called back to planet Earth, and, well, when hope is gone, what's the point?
One of those melancholy, moody, gray days.
In all the excitement and all the possibility, I lost touch with a little bit of reality.
An essential, important little bit of reality.
I've been working hard lately on making something unrealistic happen.
I've been told by everyone I've talked to that I should ignore the literature, my gut feelings, and every other piece of dependable evidence I have access to - and try anyway. Try really, really hard. And try again if I fail. And keep trying.
But today, somebody very wise, and probably with my best interest at heart, told me something else entirely: that I don't stand a chance of getting into any law school in Ontario, and that I should really focus on any and all backup plans that I have thought about.
It came as a double disappointment because I held such high hopes for today.
After a stagnant few days during which no professors were getting back to my emails or attending their office hours, one invited me to discuss the possibility of him writing me a reference letter today. He told me he remembered me as a good student with lots of enthusiasm and fantastic contributions to class discussions - and he wasn't joshing, because he knew how to pronounce my name and recognized me immediately as I walked into his classroom.
He all but agreed to write me a raving letter until he heard what my CGPA was. Then, his face fell and he told me that I didn't really stand a chance.
That I should consider schools in the states.
That I should focus on getting into Teacher's College.
And it's a truth that I knew, before any of this hubbub began. It's a truth I spent months trying to convince my parents of. It's a truth I had already dealt with and buried a long time ago... But it's also a truth that I'd allowed myself to ignore as I got a little lost in (some would call it blind) optimism... because what I wanted had crystallized so clearly so quickly, and I'd been directionless for so long, that to let it go on account of a trivial little thing such as "THERE IS NO CHANCE" seemed a mistake.
So I listened to the preachings of my parents who think I'm the best at everything, and it felt so good to have them proud of me again.
And I told all my friends about my aspirations, and it felt so good to have them all tell me that I could do it, not taking into account that they didn't know what "it" was or how unqualified I was for "it".
And it felt good to have a direction, to have a goal, to let myself think I stood a chance.
And now, well, now, most of that is gone.
Today's meeting was a little bit of a blow to my confidence, and a huge bit of a blow to my motivation. Because I've been called back to planet Earth, and, well, when hope is gone, what's the point?
posted by captain obvious at 1:41 p.m.
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