Tuesday, October 09, 2007

aches, pains, & strains

I have approximately three weeks to get two professors to write spectacular things about me in the form of two amazing reference letters.
This will prove challenging as I have gotten to know zero professors well during my studies at UTM.
Apparently, I am supposed to engage people in this exercise who care about my success, ultimately, and who believe that law school is the right choice for me - because they need to convey these things in their letters. But... who does care?
No one I can think of off the top of my head, at all.

I also have approximately three weeks to justify why I have an academic average 1 grade point lower than the one they are looking for in a "competitive" candidate.
I have to convince them that I'm capable of handling law school - but my track record doesn't say that I am. My track record says either that I am lazy, or I am stupid. And I'm not sure that spinning it either way will be more likely to get me into law school.
Perhaps I can say that I wasn't motivated to succeed - but then, why would I be motivated to succeed in law school? What makes today different?
To merely say that I have matured over the last year (which is true) isn't enough. I have to prove that I have matured. But short of them looking at this year's grades, they can't see that - and they won't be looking at this year's grades, because this year's grades won't be in by the deadline.
So what do I do?

I have 2 weeks left of hoping and praying that I did well on my LSAT.
I honestly have no idea whether or not I failed miserably or succeeded stunningly. I don't even have an inkling in either direction. I'm trying to remain positive - but this is the one thing that can rescue me. A lot rests on it. And that is causing me a lot of stress.

I have 3 weeks to write a personal statement that will concisely and intelligently put into words something I've been unable to put into words for the last year.
Why DO I want to go to law school? Why would I make a good law student? A good lawyer? Because I want to make a difference - but how? Because I think law is interesting - but why? Because I want to spend the next three years of my life doing something worthwhile - but why is this it? Because I can - but can I? Because I've grown and I'm ready to invest in my future? Because I want to fight for the underdog? Because I can't wait to read a billion textbooks on a billion topics that will bore me to sleep? Because there's the possibility that one of them will ignite something in me? Because I want what I am passionate about to have a leg to stand on in this world? Because I want to put off growing up for another three years?

But how do I sell that to a law school?

I am very nervous. And, in the meantime, life isn't stopping or slowing down. I still have assignments and essays and tests to do in all of my classes - classes I need to ace in the event that I don't get accepted into law school this year, so that I will stand a better chance next year. I still have a practicum placement to attend, friends to hang out with, a boyfriend I love spending time with.

So I'm very stressed out, and it is no wonder that my back has been killing me for the last two weeks.

2 Comments:

Blogger unreuly said...

and yet, here you are, BLOGGING!

12:26 a.m.  
Blogger captain obvious said...

I'm taking a BREAK!
I have been working tirelessly on my personal statement for most of the day, have sent out the required papers to one of my references, and have sent out numerous requests for references to other individuals.
I am also still praying I did well on the LSAT.
So, I'm doing my best.
Yeesh.

12:38 a.m.  

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