PSY320
According to cognitive dissonance theory, when our wants or attitudes are not in congruence with our behaviour, we feel dissonance. Dissonance between our attitudes and behaviour is apparently not something we enjoy feeling. In fact, we try to avoid it. People like to be consistent.
So, for example, if you hate apples, but you eat an apple, you want to try to explain your behaviour if at all possible so that it makes sense with your attitude. For instance, you might say "I don't like the taste of apples, but I know they're good for me, and they're the only fruit lying around, so I might as well eat one if I don't want to develop scurvy". And that's cool.
Now, let's say someone tells you to eat an apple (and you hate apples) and they tell you they'll give you $1 if you do it. You eat the apple. How do you explain that away? $1 is not all that much money to do something you don't want to do, or eat something you hate the taste of. You can't take eating the apple back - you can't undo your behaviour. So, the only way to achieve congruence between your attitude and your behaviour is to change your attitude. You might convince yourself that, "Hey, since I ate the apple for only $1, I must not think they're so bad. In fact, I might actually like apples a little." And you might be more likely to eat an apple in the future, or rate an apple favourably.
And this is what tons of research supports. (For links to specific studies, comment. I WILL source this if there's enough interest.)
So, my prof decided to extend this concept to relationships today. His argument was that, basically, people don't fall in love and then get together, but rather that people who get together end up falling in love.
He says that if you're getting into a relationship with someone, you're making a commitment, and you want to know why you're making that commitment. So you start coming up with reasons you like this person. Then, as time goes on and they do things that bug you, you start to downplay these things that bug you, because you're committed to the person, and you'd hate to be committed to someone you didn't like (e.g. for your behaviour - commitment - to be inconsistent with your attitude - general dislike). Then, you start to think "I've been with this person for so long, they have so many wonderful qualities, and hardly any bad ones. I must really like them." And thus love blooms. Only prerequisite? Motivation to engage in cognitive dissonance reduction.
Well, it might not seem like a very comforting idea to know that our decisions - even important ones - are therefore always fundamentally flawed. It's only really your subjective perception of whether or not a decision was right or wrong that matters, and you're going to think it was right no matter what because it's just not practical to hate yourself for something or regret something. But when you think about it, it's actually great for your mental health to never really have to regret anything. You might feel some dissonance initially, but in the end you'll be like "you know what, it's for the best". Even if it objectively wasn't.
There exists a tie-in. When I first decided on UTM, I wasn't so sure about it. I thought "It's in the boonies, I'll be surrounded by brown people, and honestly... it's in the boonies." 3 years later, yeah, "it's for the best", but, lets face it, who can ever tell me for sure it WAS for the best? Unless someone has a time machine, there's no way I have of knowing for sure that I wouldn't have loved a giant campus, or the profs downtown. And maybe, had I gone downtown, I'd have thought "It's for the best." Actually, according to cognitive dissonance theory, that's exactly what I would've thought.
So why do I love this class? Do I really have to explain? EVERYTHING we cover is directly applicable and extremely pertinent to my everyday life. In the very near future, I'm going to have to make some very hard decisions, no doubt. But having this information is wonderful, because I know I'll make the right choices in the end, no matter what. :)
Also, so far, I'm getting an A.
That TOTALLY helps.
So, for example, if you hate apples, but you eat an apple, you want to try to explain your behaviour if at all possible so that it makes sense with your attitude. For instance, you might say "I don't like the taste of apples, but I know they're good for me, and they're the only fruit lying around, so I might as well eat one if I don't want to develop scurvy". And that's cool.
Now, let's say someone tells you to eat an apple (and you hate apples) and they tell you they'll give you $1 if you do it. You eat the apple. How do you explain that away? $1 is not all that much money to do something you don't want to do, or eat something you hate the taste of. You can't take eating the apple back - you can't undo your behaviour. So, the only way to achieve congruence between your attitude and your behaviour is to change your attitude. You might convince yourself that, "Hey, since I ate the apple for only $1, I must not think they're so bad. In fact, I might actually like apples a little." And you might be more likely to eat an apple in the future, or rate an apple favourably.
And this is what tons of research supports. (For links to specific studies, comment. I WILL source this if there's enough interest.)
So, my prof decided to extend this concept to relationships today. His argument was that, basically, people don't fall in love and then get together, but rather that people who get together end up falling in love.
He says that if you're getting into a relationship with someone, you're making a commitment, and you want to know why you're making that commitment. So you start coming up with reasons you like this person. Then, as time goes on and they do things that bug you, you start to downplay these things that bug you, because you're committed to the person, and you'd hate to be committed to someone you didn't like (e.g. for your behaviour - commitment - to be inconsistent with your attitude - general dislike). Then, you start to think "I've been with this person for so long, they have so many wonderful qualities, and hardly any bad ones. I must really like them." And thus love blooms. Only prerequisite? Motivation to engage in cognitive dissonance reduction.
Well, it might not seem like a very comforting idea to know that our decisions - even important ones - are therefore always fundamentally flawed. It's only really your subjective perception of whether or not a decision was right or wrong that matters, and you're going to think it was right no matter what because it's just not practical to hate yourself for something or regret something. But when you think about it, it's actually great for your mental health to never really have to regret anything. You might feel some dissonance initially, but in the end you'll be like "you know what, it's for the best". Even if it objectively wasn't.
There exists a tie-in. When I first decided on UTM, I wasn't so sure about it. I thought "It's in the boonies, I'll be surrounded by brown people, and honestly... it's in the boonies." 3 years later, yeah, "it's for the best", but, lets face it, who can ever tell me for sure it WAS for the best? Unless someone has a time machine, there's no way I have of knowing for sure that I wouldn't have loved a giant campus, or the profs downtown. And maybe, had I gone downtown, I'd have thought "It's for the best." Actually, according to cognitive dissonance theory, that's exactly what I would've thought.
So why do I love this class? Do I really have to explain? EVERYTHING we cover is directly applicable and extremely pertinent to my everyday life. In the very near future, I'm going to have to make some very hard decisions, no doubt. But having this information is wonderful, because I know I'll make the right choices in the end, no matter what. :)
Also, so far, I'm getting an A.
That TOTALLY helps.
posted by captain obvious at 12:02 a.m.
3 Comments:
you met me dunja!!! CLEARLY it's for the best! although you could have gone to guelph and met me there as well and that would have been for the best too!!!
ok i'm confusing myself now!
Ok, so I know I'm not a psych major or specialist or minor or have never even taken a psych course. But, in business, htere's something called sunken cost.
The theory kinda goes like this: you've already committed a lot of time/money into an investment, and although initially you thought it was gonna work out well, it seems to be failing. So you have to assess whether the investment is worth the additional time/money you spend on it.
That can be applied to relationships as well to cognitive dissonance, which I also learned in business. It seems like hte more time you spend with a boyfriend/girlfriend, the harder it is to break up because the longer you've been together, hte more time and money you spend with each other, so I think most people find it easier to stick with that person rather than find another one.
I might just be crazy and it just might be this heat that's getting ot my head, but think about it....
No, it makes perfect sense!
Funky G, I miss you!
And I'm amazed of your grasp of cognitive dissonance and your ability to apply it after only my (very) brief synopsis of the theory. You're a genius!
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