I don't want to do this anymore.
I don't want me to be my second priority anymore.
I don't want to feel responsible for everything anymore.
I don't want to get angry anymore.
I don't want to miss anything or anyone anymore.
I don't want to feel like the world is passing me by anymore.
I don't want to fight it, I don't want to deny it, I don't want to cry about it, I don't want to fear it, or loathe it, or put up with it, or love it any-fucking-more.

I just want to get through this last year, move to the other end of the world, and start the fuck over.
By my fucking self.
Without anyone.
Without you.

better than chocolate

I was wrong.
It wasn't a person I was missing, it was the idea of a person I was missing.
Which is much less unnerving.

I had a great day yesterday not studying for the LSAT and happily ignoring my responsibilities with someone that makes me feel loved and happy without really having to try.

Snotting on me... "If you'd done this in the first few months of our relationship, I would have definitely gone screaming in the opposite direction..."

"But WHY!?"

I need 4 #2 or HB sharpened pencils, and a recent wallet-sized photo of myself.

Sometimes I pretend to be happy just so you won't know I'm sad.

11 days to the LSATs

I thought that if I didn't admit it to myself, it wasn't true.
I thought that if I ignored it, it would go away.
I thought that if I met it head on, I'd realize it wasn't what I thought it was.

I thought wrong.

In truth, I do miss someone who hasn't been a part of my life in any form for a very long time, and I miss them substantially.

Also missing a substantial period of the time is someone who is a part of my life, but goes into hiding very often these days. When this person does come out, I feel gloriously happy and nostalgic, and reminisce after this person leaves for perhaps longer than is healthy.

I'm exhausted by this emotional rollercoaster, I'm exhausted by the demons I have to fight off, and now is really not a good time for me to be tired.

I took pause today to think about life, and found that I have a lot to be thankful for.

I'm thankful for health, both my own and of those close to me.
I'm thankful that I want for nothing.
I'm thankful for a family that loves me enough to yell at me, to stop me from making mistakes, to steer me in the right direction, to work hard to give me everything I want and need in life.
I'm thankful for a sister who makes me smile, and stop and think, and be grateful and proud to have such a wonderful person love me.
I'm thankful for amazing friends, who are supportive and kind, who love me and care about me, who go out of their way for me, who make me smile, who give my life meaning, who are always there for me, who always want to hear from me, who never turn their backs on me.
I'm thankful for today's beautiful, sunny weather.
I'm thankful that I can make a substantial difference in someone's life.
I'm thankful for being needed, and wanted, and loved, and cherished.
And I'm thankful that I can love and cherish, want and need in return.

Today, I'm thankful that I'm alive.